Unique New York

“I should have washed my hair this morning, but my kids keep stealing my shampoo.” And so another “head-shaking” week from “8 Floors Up” started. On the ride up, my eyes widened when two people were complaining about the stupid questions they get at work. “I think we should be able to slap people when they ask the same question over and over.”

As we all know, craziness has no boundaries. Nor am I immune to stupid comments. While at the DMV, the breeding ground for aggravation, I, like everyone else, was awaiting my number to be called. And no one seemed to be leaving the counter. It was like they were completing a mortgage application. I don’t know why, but the experience reminded me of people who walk past their seat while boarding an airplane. I swear they think the seats are randomly numbered. Perhaps it is all random at the DMV. I heard “D108” followed by “B212” then “F319.” When my number was called up, I jumped and nearly screamed "BINGO!" Handing my form to the person behind the counter, she said, “Oh good, this should be a quick one.” And I replied, “I bet you’ve been waiting for a quickie all day.” The stare from over the rim of her glasses nearly melted my flesh.

That’s not even close to the stupidest thing I’ve said. While my daughter was five years-old, we used to do tongue twisters, such as saying, “Toy Boat,” three times fast. We both struggled with that one as well as “Unique New York.” I never made it two in a row. At any rate, while on a sales call with one of my reps, the client wanted to know if we had many east coast clients, to which I responded, “We have a variety of clients in “Yew Nork.”  Recognizing my twisting blunder, I said, “I’m sorry, I meant to say... “Yew Nork.” I couldn’t say New York to save my life. Now fighting the urge to laugh, I'm rehearsing, “New York, New York” in my head. I was certain I had it this time, but had to explain. I told the client about the my daughter and the tongue twisters. Deliberately talking as slow as I could, I said, “To get back on track, most of our clients are in Yew Nork.” I swear the rep and client thought I was having a stroke. I guess I should be happy we weren’t selling “Toy Boats.”